The friendly, English-speaking extraterrestrial you ran into outside your house is asking you to recommend the one book, move, or song that explains what humans are all about. What do you pick?
I asked, “Hey man, what’s up green man,
Can you fly high like Peter Pan?”
He sneered at me and said, “Fuck you,
I’ve come to put you in a zoo”
“A zoo”, I said, “Hey man, that’s crazy
I’m just some guy who’s fat and lazy
And if you stick me in a zoo
I will not do no tricks for you”
“That means you will, you stupid kid
You used a double negative.”
And then he bonked me in the head
With big clown shows that were bright red
And then he said, “Give me a book,
So I can get a better look
At how you horrid earthlings live
’cause if you don’t, you’ll get the shiv”
I stared and said, “Gee, I don’t know
I ain’t that smart, so sorry bro.
I know a movie that you’ll like
About a guy named Magic Mike”.
“Is he a qualified human guide?”
“No, he’s a stripper, “I replied.
“He swings his pee pee for the chicks
Who like hot guys with flaccid dicks”.
“If that’s the best that you can do,
Then you’re too dumb for my cool zoo.
So off I go back into space
To try another planet’s race.”
I know it said the extraterrestrial was friendly, but whatever…
Categories: Daily Prompt