But you’ll be so much happier

The past week sure has been strange. So many things going on. The Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage. The whole confederate flag issue. And a few other things thrown in here and there.

I usually don’t go on Facebook that much, but I was curious. I have a lot of Southern Baptist, confederate loving people in my family and quite a few of them are Facebook friends. I must have been on crack for accepting or requesting invitations to be friends. Anyway, I deleted about 10 people this week. At first I thought, “Am I being juvenile?” And then I thought, “No, I’m not. I put up with a lot of their crap and opinions and I’m just sick of it. Block, unfriend, delete, etc.

When I post anything on Facebook it’s usually generic stuff like those quizzes, or maybe a few pictures. I try not to post anything political or religious or controversial. Not so with my peeps. They sure want you to know how they feel about something. And they’ll do about 10 posts a day to let you know.

Apparently, for some of them, the gay marriage thing is going to ruin the country. Ummm, okay. I mean, it’s already such a perfect and pristine country with no bad marks on it at all. My opinion on the whole thing has always been, “Whatever”. Sure, it’s a laissez-faire attitude, but I can’t pretend that it’s one of the bigger concerns of mine. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

I’ve known since I was 5 years old that I was never going to get married. I knew that it was something that I would never grow out of. People would tell me, “You’ll change your mind when you’re older.”
Ummm, no I won’t.
But you’ll be so much happier, blah blah blah.
Why is it that other people always think they know what’s best for you? Can you tell me that?

And then they try to fix you up with people. My grandmother used to do that.
You should ask out Mary Jane. I know she’s as ugly as a mud fence, but she’s a nice Christian girl.
Okay, first of all Grandma (may she rest in peace), why not just say nice Christian girl? Why insult her in the process? Okay, so she’s not that attractive.
Also, why her? Is she all I deserve. Why not try to fix me up with someone conventionally attractive.

All through high school and college people were trying to fix me up. I just wanted to scream. I mean you just can’t come right out and tell your Southern Baptist family that you’re a big homo. Especially not in the 70s. That would be tragic. So, you just play along. And make up excuses. And wait for the day that you have enough nerve to tell everybody, “Leave me the hell alone and worry about your own damn life…you racist, and you drunk, and you hypocrite, and you philanderer, and you about 10 million other things.”

I’ll never forget the time I told my Aunt Linda my secret. She was the borderline disowned liberal in the family. The first words out of her mouth were “Don’t tell your mother!” Okay, thanks for the encouragement.

Come on. Your parents know anyway. How can they not. They know it before you do. They just don’t want that day to come where the words actually come out of your mouth and it’s confirmed. It’s so much easier when everything is alleged.

So anyway, years go by and the big secret is out – to everyone who can handle it. It’s kind of like osmosis. Person A tells person B, but not person C because it would just kill them. Person B blabs it to the appropriate people who probably won’t have a coronary. Person D decides not to let you babysit their kids anymore. Person E, the ‘cool and hip’ relative, tries to fix you up with the waiter in every restaurant you go to. However, the news never quite makes it to persons X,Y and Z. The Grandparents and that one uncle who thinks the Civil War only ended like 2 years ago. They eventually die and you will probably never know if they knew or not.

My family is weird. All families are.

So anyway, like I said, I’ve always known that I would never get married. So, I wasn’t concerned about the marriage issue. Even though friends told me I should be because it concerns ‘my people’.That always makes me laugh when people say that. My people. I’m sorry, but this is not The Sisterhood of the Traveling Fags. I’m more of a UFO/crop circle/Babylonian Brotherhood type of person.

Anyway, it kind of pisses me off when these people on Facebook – which is probably one of the stupidest inventions ever and I constantly ask myself, “OMG Bob, why are you even on there” – post a gazillion things about how the world is going to fall the fuck apart because of a Supreme Court ruling. And then they ask you to repost it if you agree.

So anyway, ugh.

I made this thing the other day that I so desperately want to post on Facebook – you know, just to sort of even things out -but so far I haven’t had the nerve to do it.


festive flag

Then they REALLY wouldn’t let me babysit.


Categories: The Bob Files

Tags: , ,

3 replies

  1. That’s awesome! But then, I am Canadian 🙂


  2. Yeah, we don’t want them here, but it would be fun to see their faces if they did!


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