So, it’s employee appreciation week at work. It started yesterday. There is a theme. The break room gets decorated and everything! Sound like fun, right?
Our theme is Christmas in July. I don’t know who came up with it, but…WHAT? Anyway, the break room is decorated with a Christmas tree, tinsel, garland, a variety of nutcrackers, and Christmas music continuously playing via the dvd player hooked up the tv (and not good Christmas music either. It’s show tunes and music from yearly Christmas specials i.e. Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer). It’s all positively ghastly.
We all got new t-shirts with the company logo (like we do every year at employee appreciation time). The ones this year are decent. The shirts from the past few years have been rather tragic. Anyway, we get to wear them all week instead of our regular strictly-guidelined wardrobe (that half the people ignore anyway).
Oh yeah, and we get a present. I got a coffee thermos with the company logo on it.
So, after my shift was over today, I saw a big white cowboy hat hanging in the back. I asked my boss, “What’s this for?” She said that it was going to be decorated with glitter and a bunch of other junk. Made to look very festive.
Again. “For what”, I asked.
Then Dylan said, “It’s a birthday hat. Employees have to wear it on their birthday”.
Then I screamed “NO! My birthday is in 2 weeks!”
“We know. You’re going to be the first one who gets to wear it.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I said. I’m going to be turning 58. Do you know how utterly horrifying and insane that is?”
“You have to. Besides, you’ll look cute.”
So, I left work muttering to myself, “I’m not wearing that stupid hat. They can kiss my ass.” And a bunch of other stuff that’s not really nice
Seriously, it’s always something ridiculous like that. At Halloween I have to wear a big spider hat. At Christmas I have to wear a stupid elf apron with jingle bells on it. For every holiday, there is some kind of obnoxious accessory that I am made to wear. Easter is the worst. Frickin’ bunny ears.
And now this. You can’t even get a break on your birthday. Now they have something for that.
Now I know why Employee Appreciation Week this year has a Christmas theme. So they can hang my balls on the frickin’ Christmas tree.
Categories: The Bob Files